What I’ve Been Missing (or Not), Volume 5: The Human Centipede 2 (2011)

Directed by: Tom Six
Starring: Laurence R. Harvey, Ashlynn Yennie, Maddi Black

The sole film in my continuing retrospective that snugly fits into the “… or Not” category, Tom Six’s follow-up to his outrageously subversive, borderline unwatchable and mostly ludicrous The Human Centipede is tastelessly grotesque beyond my wildest imaginings. Centering on a mentally handicapped parking lot attendant as his obsession with the film in question “inspires” him to create a twelve-person centipede of his own, there are so many things wrong with every single minute of it that to list them all would require well over a thousand words. I do not want to waste my time doing this. In fact, I’d rather not waste my time writing this review, but for some reason, the first installment in the trilogy garnered a good deal of notoriety, establishing its cult status among drunk college students everywhere with nothing better to do.

Living under the scrutiny of his overbearing, stereotypically abusive mother, the slovenly Martin excessively bludgeons his victims half to death with a crowbar before transporting them to the dilapidated warehouse he’s preparing to perform the procedure in. It goes without saying that I was uncomfortable throughout The Human Centipede 2‘s nearly ninety-minute run time, and no, Six does not get points for simply “being different.” In fact, the film is so fucking nauseatingly out of its mind that anyone willing to subject themselves to it even out of curiosity should have their head examined, myself included.

Everything feels excessive and plain unnecessary, from Martin’s putting a literal hole through his mother’s face after she tears up his beloved scrapbook to every second of the crude, mostly half-assed procedure itself. To elaborate, anyone can attest to being pushed to the edge when it comes to gratuitous bullshit like this, and as to be expected, Six gleefully piles viewers into a school bus and careens it straight off a cliff. Improvisational tooth extraction, a staple gun, a bottle of saline laxative and prolonged miscarriage are the film’s lowest points, and once you do the research to find out exactly what I’m talking about, you’ll be glad you avoided this piece of trash altogether, providing you even had any interest in seeing it in the first place.

With absolutely no redeeming qualities, poor performances, negligible jabs at character development and zero sympathy garnered for anyone involved helps The Human Centipede 2‘s exceedingly graphic content stand for absolutely nothing. Yes, I’m aware that writer/director Tom Six is most likely a psychopath; it’s probably why he thinks there’s an audience for something this “innovative,” however to present a series of increasingly tasteless, frequently nauseating sequences for the sake of overt shock value and nothing else is downright despicable. Lucky for us, we have the third and final film of the trilogy to look forward to. Heaven help us.

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